Love is Free

We were talking about this in our subscription group, the feeling of "is it me or the food?" And i thought this is something many struggle with, so it was worth sharing!

Everyone struggling with the food/relationship balance, i suggest you read "Plenty in Life is Free" by Kathy Sdao. It's not a long or sciencey read, its just talking about these feelings.

When we have a transactional relationship with our horse 'do this-get this' (which we have always had with R- also keep in mind) we tend to get stuck thinking in math. But you know how the kids at our barn form the most intensely magical relationships with horses i had thought would be verye difficult to connect with? By spending time freely sharing. Ruby will literally let Oro eat from her treat pouch while she braids his mane. Obviously this isn't proper manners or training. We give "treats for being cute" and treats while we kiss their nose. The kids will put buckets of chopped hay mixed with treats while they groom and braid them, while they snuggle and play with them. There'll be 5 kids and a few ponies and so much food and so much love that even our most scared and shy animals can't help but to want to join in.

We need to stop thinking of food as an external thing we give them, like money, money is a secondary reinforcer, it has no intrinsic value, its only conditioned to have value by our society. But food carries deeply rooted feelings of safety, comfort, nurturing, and love. Have you ever been invited to a human party that wasn't centered around the food? Kid's birthdays=cake, every culture has their different special meals based on each holiday and local traditions. Food is so deep in our and our horses culture as meaning so much more than "a paycheck".

You know how NH trainers like to associate us with "Alpha" horses? We know this has all been debunked. But what i've found in my study of neuroscience and emotions, is that by being the provider, being the source of good things, food, and comfort in my horse's life, i have taken on a maternal roll. I don't project myself as trying to be a horse-mom. But i know that as i feed and snuggle my horse, i am elicited those early rooted emotional responses that they had with their mother (oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin...) that make them feel loved. So feeding is a part of that, not separate.

Be generous, give your horse love in every way you can show it and they can receive it.